a statement of love

what do you do when someone you love is running themselves into the ground? do you watch them do it? do you stand idly by and not say a word as the person you love slowly loses control of his or her life? how do you intervene to make an impact? what words besides "i love you, please don't do this to me, to you, to the people who love you," can get that person to listen and stop such destructive behaviors that will surely lead to surely their demise and quite possibly their death? is it my fault? have i enabled such horrible behavior? did i cause it? is my constant presence "the straw that broke the camel's back?" can i alone make it better? what can i say that will get her to see what it is that i see--see her doing on a daily basis? is it hypocritical to see destructive behaviors in her and not name my own? how do i tell her that she has changed right before my eyes and none of it has been for the better? how can i fully live my life when i see that she is in so much pain? how can i live my life when i spend parts of my days and nightswondering if she is okay, where
she is,and if she will arrive to her home safely? how can i make her see that she has a beautiful soul? that she is highly gifted? that i love her beyond words, beyond her destructive behaviors, beyond my desire to see her change...and desire to see her change? how do i get her to open up to me and share with me the source of her depression? what words do i use? can i make her see what she is doing to herself, to me, to the people that love her? how do i move past my disappointment with her? how do i move past my disappointment with myself for not helping her? is this all she wants for her life? can i get her to desire more? what do i say to get her to understand that she is blowing her dreams, hopes, and prayers away like dandelions in the wind? ultimately, can i change another person? how do i do it? can it still be done if the person resists change? do i just walk away? is that being supportive? am i selfish for not wanting to make her problems my own? am i a bad person if i choose to just walk away? how do i get her to see the lovely black butterfly i see--and not the one she sees at the bottom of a beer can and the end of a cigarette? how many ways can i show that i love her? tell her that i love her? when do i stop crying about her destrction? when will it cease to matter to me? will it ever not matter to me? why do i love this strongly, this deeply, this abundantly? how do i stop hurting? when will i stop imagining the worst? when will i be able to talk about it to other people? how can i not show the source of my hurt to other people? why can't other people see that i am hurting? that there is a missing link in my life--one that i never mention? how do i save the most special person to me from the same hurt? how do i not kill her by degrees? how do i remain silent? who can i tell that won't judge me or her? when you are forbidden to tell secrets as a young child, how do you shake your home training? how do i stop the tears that have started to fall? how do i work my way out of my own depression with this hanging over my head? how do i not let it affect me? who i am? who i see myself becoming? who i want to be? how do i tell her i want her to come on my journey with me but not as the person she is now? how do i control my anger? how do i refrain from being pissed off? really pissed off? how do i hide this from my friends? how can i tell my story that impinges upon her story without them being swayed to protect me and thinking ill thoughts about her? how do i tell them that she is a part of me and i cannot give her up, will not give her up, and ultimately would give my life to end her suffering? what causes me to think this way, feel this way? how can i get her to embrace her own journey and out of this rut that threatens to take her life?