telling the whole world

this morning is a good morning. i am quietly contemplative. i desire pancakes. really good pancakes with good butter and real maple syrup. i am still pissed about hs boy's inability to perform. it is so disapponting to know that some men have penises and cannot use them. i take sex so seriously. what i mean by that is that i'm not going to start something that doesn't end well for me or my partner. i have talent. i do. i'm good and i know it. this is not conceit, merely the truth. it's taken me a while to enjoy sex and now that i do, i do what makes me happy and having an orgasm is what makes me happy. i'm frustrated. i know what my issue is.

i was using him for sex and he couldn't deliver.

i feel that when women want sex - truly want sex, men should be able to perform. while i recognize that this places an unrealistic expectation on men, it is my expectation. i'm upset because i had my mind made up to have an orgasm last night and he ruined it. did he ruin it, or did i? to me, not all orgasms are created equally and an orgasm from manual stimulation or oral sex is really not the same as a orgasm stimulated by a penis in my vagina. that was the orgasm that i was looking for last night. when he was trying to remain hard and i was close to orgasming, he was like "man, you're strong." that's what vaginal walls are supposed to do, idiot. i don't know if i will ever see him or talk to him again. so let's see what i can remember of the night . . .

so he calls me when i am on the road from my parents' home back to my residence. in a sober moment, i realized that i was horny and wanted to have sex. so i answered his call. he asked me what i was doing this weekend. i told him that saturday would be a good day to hang out. why a good day? because i had already determined that we were going to do the do. so we disconnected from each other understanding that i would call him when i was back in town and settled (which was only about 1 1/2 hours from that time). i wasn't excited about seeing him because i don't really like him. but i wanted to get off. that's it.

so after i finish putting the smoked turkey from the holiday in the fridge and with my sister off to work, i decide it's time to blaze up. so i pack a bowl and let the good times roll. i'm going to have sex with a man i find barely attractive so i will embrace whatever will get me there. as i elevated my then-present state of mind, all i could think about was mc. i know i've said it before, but he has a beautiful penis. on a side note, i must admit that i am truly embodying omniscient gratification, supreme sophistication, and elegant assertiveness in my decision to take what i want sexually. it is truly liberating and an embodied state that needs more developing, but still it is one that i have chosen to fully manifest. anyway, i think that the herbal preparation was one way to allow me to get over hs friend and focus on the good times i've had with mc. anyway, i call him, give him directions, and prepare to get ready.

usually i am pretty good with trying to look presentable for any man that i am accompanying out for the evening. even if we are just friends, i will try to look nice. what man wants a homely curmudgeon on his arm even if she is just a friend? so, i was so unimpressed with my companion that i didn't even put on eyeliner or fill in my eyebrows. i did however, remove the excess hair on my body (just my legs and my armpits - my honeypot is still short due to a two and a half week old brazillian). so he gets here and we go back to his place to ingest more herbal supplements. so i am definitely feeling no pain. we then head out to fridays to eat. now, i'm thinking to myself that it would be nice from time to time to have him take me out and pay for everything in addition to get my rocks off. that was before his foiled sex attempt.

at dinner, he asks me how he can see me more often. shit. i thought how the hell am i going to get out of this one? i only want to use him for sex when i'm horny. i don't want to have to go out with him. i don't want to get to know him. but willing to take one on the behalf of a satisfied honeypot, i tell him he has to be more dilligent in his attempts to try to catch up with me. now, let me be honest. most of the time when he calls me, i ignore his calls. but i'm thinking tell him what he wants to hear. that will set you up for good sex tonight. what the hell was i thinking, right? so in the end, he asks for sex, i agree and we head back to his place.

so we get there and start messing around. his oral sex skills were okay. i don't remember them being extraordinary. i had a teeny, bite-sized orgasm. but i'm saving myself for the vaginally stimulated orgasm because i know what i like. so then he starts to get himself a little more hard. now, i know he wants oral sex. but do i act like i do? no. i'm not giving him head. i don't even really like the look of his penis that much. so i must reflect on the beauty that is mc's penis. it's so heavy and full of life. i love the feel of it in my mouth. i could fellate him for hours on end, i love his penis that much. he definitely has one of the best penises i have ever seen up close and personal. but hs friend is not mc. so finally he is able to become erect enough to penetrate me.

now, here's where things proceed downhill rather quickly. so, he's inside me. i'm not focused on him, i'm focused on my own glorious feelings. it was getting pretty good. . . for me. i don't know what the fuck was going on with him and, quite honestly, i didn't care - at all. so i have a tendency to emit love juice (or squirt/gush) when i orgasm. but, in order to do so, i contract my vaginal walls pretty tightly. so tight, in fact, that i push most men out. now, mc could handle this. that's probably i came over twenty times with him AND blacked out. but, we aren't talking about him. so, i'm about to get a really good orgasm and i start to push him out. he withdraws his rinky-dink penis and stops. he kind of chuckles and says "wow, you're strong." what the fuck? what the fuck? who says that? i want to kill him at this point. you are fucking with my orgasm here asshole. so then he gets back in and. . .what happens you ask? he comes. he comes. i was hot as hell.

so i'm trying to be compassionate and i ask him if he's finished for the night. he tells me that he doesn't know what's wrong, maybe he just needs some rest. are you serious? so we lay there for a minute and i tell him to go get a flick, maybe that will help him get to where he needs to be. then, he asks me if i give head. do i? yep. will i for him? maybe, we'll see. i tell him not to rush me. just because the man on the flick is getting head doesn't mean that it's time for him to get head. plus, the men on that flick were well-endowed. they deserved head. a man with a big beautiful penis that gives a woman the most bliss that she can hangle inside of the milliseconds that compose the seconds and minutes that crest as an orgasm - a penis like that deserves oral loving. that's how i feel about mc's penis. that's why i would give him head for hours on end. i absolutely love his penis. but this isn't about him. so i tried to give him head. he couldn't even get hard and i know i have skills. he says again, rather frantically, i don't know what's the matter with me. then, ladies and gentlemen, he chuckles. this shit is not funny . . . at all. i take my orgasms very seriously and you are fucking around with my emotions. so i put my clothes on. i try one more time to get him aroused. i try positive reinforcement. i tell him that i want him. that he can do it. that he has a nice penis (all lies of course). nothing works. then he says to me,

and, of course, we won't tell anybody.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! if there was a website for BDRs (Bad Dick Reports) he would be on the top ten list. so we go to see "just friends." it wasn't a bad movie, however, i was pissed that i didn't get off. so needless to say, he dropped me off and told me he'd call me. you just try dickwad, no more pussy for you.