a horrible, horrible flashback

but the tongue part was okay, wasn't it?

as i sat in rapt attention listening to my friend disclose last night's details that resulted in a very satisfied honeypot (hers not mine), i was yet again reminded of the bad sex that i had the misfortune of participating in this last saturday. let me say now, fellas if you feel it's a no go, DON'T DO THE SHIT, period. now that you all have seen how bad sex will fuck up a woman's week and get your shit put on blast - maybe not on the internet, but definitely to her girls - WALK AWAY FROM THE PUSSY. anyway, back to the lecture at hand. another gem that hs friend dropped after our coital debacle, was the above italicized line and it deserves repeating. "but the tongue part was okay, wasn't it?" i must be in the fucking twilight zone. what part of your dick not working gives you the audacity paired with the right to ask if your oral skills are on par with the rest of the kids that have dined at the y? you do not get a go, you do not get to collect $200. WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HE WAS THINKING?!?!? you do not get a pat on the back and a dairy queen dipped cone because you failed reading but got a b- in music. you do NOT get kudos (or the drawers again, but i feel as though i'm beating a dead horse with that one).

God, why have i been cursed? people may think i'm playing, but i am really taking a silent prayer to God everytime i think back to saturday. is this karma? for what? in fucking, i have been respectful. i am an a-number one dick lover. i take the dick and all that it can do for me...i make it official and give it my love. my heart belongs to the dick-er-roni (please see Bobby Brown for specific reference - to a tenderoni not a dick-er-roni, it's not verbatim). i have never bitten a dick - although i have had good reason to - never cursed the dick, have always shown it proper respect. but i mean damn, there is only so much non-workingness a sister can take before she goes postal.

my honeypot is bitching. she is fucking cursing up a storm. nobody does us this way and walks away with his dignity. so i'm going to have to call hs friend today and tell him with the shenanigan that he pulled on saturday, yeah, he needs to lose my phone number. i'll be cordial when i see you, but as far as i'm concerned we shouldn't pursue ANYTHING OF A SEXUAL NATURE past this point. take care, peace, and good night, flaccid dick. this should be fun . . . now i can give him something to think about this week. it's kind of like the transferral of energy that morris chestnut pulled on vivica fox in "two can play that game." next time you hear from me, i'ma have some gaddam pep in my muthafuckin step. ol' bastard. in the words of that contemporary prophet, trick daddy, "you gon learn, you gon learn, but i gots to teach you."