a holiday public service announcement

"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but inside it's so delightful..."

so i was thinking about how earlier this morning i decided that my honeypot was temporarily closed for business. that coupled with my early morning trek to pay my rent. it was my mistake that i didn't look outside before donning my big, black silk down-filled coat over my "Sex Week" t-shirt and pajama bottoms. i slipped my feet into a pair of flipflops and headed downstairs. damn if i didn't walk outside and there was snow on the ground. there was just a light dusting, but it was till cold as fuck. cold as fuck. cold, and still horny from last weekend's fiasco, i thought, what can i do with my evening? my roomie was out to work this evening, so tonight would be a good night to get something on with none other than my second favorite lay--me. my mind is kind of heavy with a bunch of other shit so i probably won't get it together until tomorrow, but i thought about reflecting on what i do to get myself off. i think of it as a kind of psa (public service announcement) for women who are looking for a new and unique way to achieve orgasm. the apparatus on the right is the soft touch acuvibe massager. i purchased mine from brookstone for about $50. it was well worth the financial investment. the acuvibe has two speeds--high and low. i bought the massager because of movie "brown sugar." in a scene with sanaa lathan and queen latifah. sydney (played by sanaa lathan) adamantly asserts that the above pictured beauty is a massager...from brookstone. queen's character, francine, taunts her with "high speed...low speed. high speed...low..." so i walked myself right on into brookstone to test the intensity of the massager. the low speed offers a deeper massage, the high speed offers intensity. i thought about buying the massager for over a month before i purchased it. the massager is AC powered and can detach from the cord, holding its charge for about an hour. let me now describe the other vital component to my self-loving arsenal.

So very important is the silver bullet. i first found out about the silver bullet at a production of the vagina monologues. there were a number of sex toys on sale and i asked my companion what one did with this little contraption. she said that i could use it one of two ways: 1) applied to my clitoris for surface stimulation or, 2) inside of my honeypot for internal stimulation. as you can see from the picture, the speed of the bullet can be gradually increased or decreased according to one's preference. it is a very potent toy. well worth the $6 i paid for it. in fact, i've bought three of them. it uses two AA batteries and cannot be used in or near water. while i have never applied the silver bullet to my clitoris, i am sure that it would deliver a hell of an orgasm. internally, it stimulates the g-spot and provides direct internal stimulation that is unlike, and actually more pleasureable i believe, than a dildo or vibrator. so the combination of these two doo-hickeys is quite pleasureable, indeed. so let's get down to how to use them, shall we?

first step: visual stimulation. i am a firm believer in porn, all kinds of porn. black porn, white porn, threesomes, swingers, virtually anything that shows another person in the place i want to be--in the midst of an orgasm. sometimes i might read erotic stories. the penthouse letters works nicely. i also have a book of erotic stories edited by zane. when i'm in a pinch the stories work well. i begin to read the stories before i actually do anything with the toys. i should probably back up and say that i put a few layers of towels on the bed in case i have an abundance of happy juice. so i turn on the flick. i am also rather afraid that my neighbors can hear the moans and groans of the porn actors so i turn the volume down rather low and watch what's going on in the movie. i always flip to what i like to call an inconsequential scene. i have a few favorite scenes (depending on my mood) and i never start with those scenes. i build my way up to them.

second step: once i have a bit of visual or mental stimulation, i insert the silver bullet. i set it to a very low speed. if i set it high, then it becomes annoying and slightly painful. my orgasm is a project that takes time, care, and consideration. once the bullet starts it whirring magic, i sit back and enjoy the movie for a bit. not too long, but often it depends on my mood and how long i want to prolong the inevitable.

third step: turn on "the massager . . . from brookstone." i apply it to my honey button--not directly. now i find a spot that feels good. as i become more aroused, i turn up the speed on the silver bullet. i turn to one of my favorite scenes and watch for a moment. soon, what's going on on the screen does not compare to the silken feeling of an impending orgasm. i close my eyes and the feeling gently ebb and crest over my body. i can achieve, roughtly, about three or four orgasms this way before the big one.

fourth step: in my orgasmic haze, i often turn the tv off so that i can focus my concentration on my last big orgasm. i can feel it brewing. i can feel my g-spot expand and fill. my eyes roll up in the back of my head. soft convulsions overtake me. i feel "it" coming. the pleasure warms me up. i kick the covers off of my body. a thin sheen of sweat covers me from head to toe. i begin to writhe and contort just slightly. intense contentment overtakes my brain as pleasure erupts from my honey button and slowly ripples over my entire body. i writhe. i stifle a moan. my face is drawn...eyes closed...mouth slightly open and pulling air in soft, ruptured gasps...i begin to see red...it's coming...now orange...shit it feels so good...now neon purple...i turn over onto my stomach...i feel the stimulation on both sides of my g-spot...white slashes into the purple...i'm almost there...my toes curl...oh my g-...fuck...my body bucks and i am transported to nirvana, bliss, floating in a place that has no time, no walls, no space. i let go and simply exist. and it feels good.